


Aftermath

by RudeNNotGinger



Series: Commander Ian Shepard [2]
Category: Mass Effect - All Media Types, Mass Effect Trilogy
Genre: Ableism, Abuse, Autistic Commander Shepard, Black Male Character, Canon Autistic Character, Canon Disabled Character, F/M, Other, PTSD, Trans Male Character, Trans Male Shepard
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-12
Updated: 2018-05-12
Packaged: 2019-05-05 22:33:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,220
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14628414
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RudeNNotGinger/pseuds/RudeNNotGinger
Summary: Shepard can't wrap his mind around what Gavin Archer did to his own brother. Back on the Normandy, he receives help from an unexpected source. Set immediately after Project Overlord and Miranda's and Tali's loyalty missions, but before the Collector's ship mission.





	Aftermath

Shepard was engrossed, staring through the viewport glass above his bed at the spectral sprays of stars glowing in the inky expanse of space. That must have been the reason he didn't hear the doorbell to his cabin softly chime at first. When it sounded again, he blinked with a start, then inhaled deeply and let out a slow breath before sitting up and punching in quick key strokes on his omnitool to unlock the door.

When the doors parted, Miranda stood just behind the gap, bathed in the yellowish-white glow of the hallway lights overhead. Ian wasn't sure if she was the first or last person he wanted to see, but she was here and he'd have to say _something._  

Sucking in another breath, Commander Shepard rose from his bed and approached the open doors. 

"Miranda. Something you need?" he queried, stopping a meter in front of the Cerberus officer. 

"Shepard. I just...came to see if you were alright."

Shepard raised an eyebrow. Things had become decidedly less icy between the two since he and Garrus helped her prevent the abduction of her younger sister from her asshole father. Despite his disdain for Cerberus, he'd tried to see past her loyalty to the organization and when off-duty, leave the door open for friendship. 

He sighed. "Did you see the mission report I sent to the Illusive Man?"

"That's why I'm here." Miranda had a faint smile on her lips, but her voice dimmed down, her tone soft and somber. 

Shepard peered at Miranda, now standing in the gap between the open doors of his cabin. _Let her in_ , he reminded himself, then stepped aside and nodded towards the interior of his quarters. "Come in," he offered quietly, then slinked past through an open space between her and the fish tank. Faintly aware of the doors hissing shut behind them, he darted towards the chair in front of the desk next to his bed, hurriedly scooped up the armor pieces piled in its seat, and placed them onto the floor, scooting them and his helmet back to clear extra walking space. 

Miranda watched him float and scurry to empty the chair. Shepard was normally more organized, but he hadn't even put his armor away after returning from the research station on Aite. She didn't need her genetic engineering to tell her something was wrong with the commander. Given what she knew about him from Alliance records and other data acquired by the Illusive Man, she could put together what had shaken Shepard so badly. 

She took the freed-up seat while Shepard sat on his bed, facing her. "I thought you might have been impacted by what you found at the research station," she started, watching the commander's onyx irises focus on hers for just a few seconds, then peer past her at a blank spot on the wall behind her. 

"Miranda, ah..." Shepard's hand went to the back of his neck. "You have _no_ idea."

"Try me," she replied softly. 

"Well...I...I don't even know where to begin."

Miranda watched him struggle for words that lay just out of his reach. "I'll admit, the details you describe about David Archer's condition were rather disturbing," she offered.

" _Disturbing_?" His eyes grew wider, then his dark brows lowered into a deep frown. "The way Dr. Archer had his own brother strung up like a goddamn puppet..." He swallowed hard. "I don't know if David will ever forgive him, but _I sure can't._ I'm just glad we got him the hell out of there."

Ian shook his head. Watching from behind his own eyes and hearing his voice warble strangely inside his ears, je couldn't half-believe he was willing to spill anything to Miranda. He didn't exactly advertise being "different," after all. Joker, of course, knew because they'd sat bullshitting and swapping stories, jovially trying to top each other's "nobody believed I did this thing because of my disability" tales, and he'd eventually trusted Kaidan, Tali, and Garrus enough to tell them more. But the info wasn't exactly a deeply-guarded secret. It was in his school records from Mindoir, and Alliance docs had confirmed it in initial testing during enlistment.

"Wait." Shepard peered up and found Miranda's gaze, holding it just long enough to ask his next question. "You... _know_ , don't you? About me, I mean."

She nodded. 

"Then you should know why it took all the control I had not to put a bullet in Gavin's head." Shepard glanced down at the tops of his shoes for only a second, then looked back up at a spot on Miranda's hairline. "David's seen enough horrors in his life. I didn't want to leave him with one more."

"I just wanted you to know: I don't condone what happened at Aite. Dr. Archer clearly took unacceptable risks to avoid the project's shutdown."

" _Unacceptable?"_  Ian's eyes went dark and his voice hot and rigid, fuzzy around its edges and just short of snarling. "Is that all you can say--"

Shepard watched Miranda's eyes widen and her mouth drop open. He felt his heart sink and let his body go slack, inhaling a deep calming breath before sighing it out and running a hand through the mess of short, chaotic black waves just above his forehead. "Miranda, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have snapped at you."

Miranda now relaxed in her seat and nodded. "Don't worry about it, Shepard." She paused a moment before adding: "I meant to say that after reading your report...I see what an abomination and horror it was. I can't imagine that dealing with it was easy."

He shook his head. "It wasn't. But thank you. I appreciate hearing you say that." 

"It's the truth. It needed to be said," Miranda replied. "And you needed to hear it."

Shepard nodded once, then offered her a weak smile. "It'll take some time to process this. I...can't say I'm fine, but I'm better. And I can still focus on our primary mission."

Miranda smiled back, taking in the commander's weary, bloodshot eyes and noticing the faint reddish-orange glow in their centers had softened since she'd walked into his cabin. This was just the right moment to excuse herself; she didn't want to wear out her welcome. 

"I have some reports of my own to complete, so I'll get back to it." She rose from her chair. "You know where to find me if you need anything."

"Got it," Shepard replied, standing up from his place on the bed. "Thanks for stopping by." 

Ian watched Miranda pass through the open doors, then followed their gilding motions as they closed behind her. A soft beep came from his omnitool, the same beeping he'd tuned out for almost an hour. Peering down, he saw a message from Tali. _Shepard. Are you alright? I'm in engineering if you want to talk._

As Miranda strode into the hallway and toward the elevator, her mind swirled. Thoughts of calculated costs and benefits, risk analyses, and unpleasant choices circled around a black hole. A void she'd learned to push to the back of her consciousness long ago to accomplish whatever objectives were at hand. Time and time again, the Illusive Man proved more than willing to call for and accept sacrifices.

So long as they weren't his own. 

 


End file.
